shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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