I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
