so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
