So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
