Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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