Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
