babies were throwing up all over the place
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
