You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
