when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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