Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
