I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
