i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
