You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize