She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
