so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
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I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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