I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
