just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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