Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
