Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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