the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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