I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
