after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
