***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize