I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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