Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
