She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
