dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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