you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
4 words: hood of his car
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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