Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
