Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
this hospital has no fireball
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
