TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
