i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My life is pants optional.
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