redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
