Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
