What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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