So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
