Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
