I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
