Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
