I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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