grandma shit on top of the toilet
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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