so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
