i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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