I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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