Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
