Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
