true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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