how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
