My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
