Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
