Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
