I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
pray to the hookup gods
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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