i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
