How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
