Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just pee around me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
