Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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