4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
