we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there was a trapeze. enough said
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
