I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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