Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
