I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
