I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
third nipple confirmed
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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