I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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