I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
