Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
