I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
