Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
