kristin has been a bad kristin
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
