I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
