i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize