I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I can text with my tongue
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
