Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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